In Retrospect

Knowing What I Know Now...

...would I have done this a different way? I've really been reflecting on that and I would have to say maybe only slightly. As I helped her build a new life, get out of debt, buy a car, repair her credit, get a really great career going and finally become a Home Owner (or Ho Moaner as we called it), the changes were palpable. She really was proud of her accomplishments, not nearly as nervous and anxious, and quite a bit more grown up overall. The changes were significant.

I knew in my heart I would not be the last. But, I did want to make an everlasting impact and impression on her life. My brother says I should just chalk it up to really helping someone who needed a little assistance at this time.

My only mistake was totally and completely giving my heart to her. I should have held some of me back so when the ending came, the pain would have been less severe. Another friend says I am blessed to have loved someone so completely and with abandon.....while sensing the inevitable consequences. She also says that by surviving this, I will be prepared to love another with the same intensity. Or, as it says on yet another of my websites....

"To Love Fiercely"


I really do hope I did just that.

Signing Off,

The Angry Lesbian
12/07/05