Momma Trauma
She's Not Feeling Well....but she's still funny

For the last several months, my 73 year old Mom has been having some health issues. At first, it started in her throat. After speaking for awhile, she'd just lose her voice. Of course, this scared the CRAP out of us because she smoked for years. We've been to several specialists with her on this issue, and she finally got a really GOOD doctor who scoped her yesterday and declared her cancer free.

The really odd thing - she's got BURNING in her shoulders and her back muscles. Sometimes this burning pain just travels around and migrates into her butt. Whatever it is (and they do not yet know), it's hard for the poor thing to sleep and she's always hurting. This pisses me off. I want them to find out what's WRONG with her and fix it.

Basically, I've been talking to her most every day, which is not normal for me, but I really want and need to check on her. So, a few days ago, the conversation went something like this.

"Hello?

"Hi Mom, it's me."

"How are you feeling today?"

"Not so good right now but I woke up this morning and thought 'It's over....whoopee...because I felt no pain....until I was up for 10 minutes.'"

Dammit, I thought....I just want her not to HURT anymore.

"Well, Mom, is that medication they gave you helping any?"

"I was reading the label and this new medicine says it can cause:
Increased appetite
or nausea
or sweating
or heart palpitations
I mean, there's a whole LIST of things. It's like they wanted to cover EVERYTHING to keep from getting sued."

That's all it took. I was off.

"Hey, Mom, maybe it should also say......and you may no longer be able to speak Spanish ...even if you never spoke it before. (Makes no sense but twatever.)

However, it may cause you to speak Mandarin Chinese even if you never wanted to."

She just kept laughing and laughing. She's such a good sport even when she hurts but she's always been that way. In fact, MOST of the time, she never even admits she hurts at all. That's why at this point in time, we're all so scared. This Stoic woman (3 kids - natural childbirth) never complains. So, in your nightly "send up" ...send some good thoughts up for The Angry Lesbian's Mom.

Signing Off,

The Multi-lingual Angry Lesbian
10/18/06