Johnny Law
Damn Near Nailed Me

Last February, I was out late at my favorite hangout and noticed the time was about 12:30 a.m. Oh shit!!! And it was a work night, too. So, instead of taking the back roads at 40 MPH as is my habit, I decided to take the freeway. Most of the time, other cars blow past me like I'm standing still cause I drive like Grandma Moses. That particular night, I decided to try to keep up with them. Imagine my surprise when Johnny Law turned his lights on and came after ME.

I figured he stopped me because the car I drive is a Slug Bug. This guy was probably thinking "Hey, cute young chicks drive Slug Bugs. Maybe I'll score!" Imagine the poor bastard's surprise when I rolled down the window. He fell back a few steps, stunned, and stumbled back to his patrol car... Plan BUSTED !! Boner deflated.

He brought back my license and a little gift from the City.

"Ma'am, do you know how FAST you were going?"

It was cold so I only had the window cracked. The guy had obviously snorted way too much of his White Powder Haul because all sense of smell was obviously GONE. (He should have had me walking the line and touching my nose out on the side of the road.)

"No Officer. I have No Idea."

"You were going EIGHTY SIX in a 60 MPH zone."

"Oh Lord. I'm so sorry. Thank you." And I took the ticket feeling blessed that I was NOT spending the night in jail.

Cut to: October and the City Kangaroo Court I got to sit through. I hired a lawyer to "represent" me. Hours later (they punish you on purpose by making you wait and wait), my attorney finally called my name.

I went up to the front and the man said to me, "Were you really going 86? That's a known speed trap, you know."

My verbal response, "I have no idea."

In my head, I was thinking and biting my LIP not to say, "How the hell do I know, I was DRUNK at the time. Racing the car next to me SEEMED like a good idea."

And there you have it, one more near miss. And $235 later plus $75 in Attorney's fees, I'll be thinking twice before I take another freeway at 1:00 a.m. after having Sake with a friend.


The Barely Skatin' Angry Lesbian
10/09/2006