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Find
The Humor
Wherever
You Can
I'm listening to
Howie Day as I do
almost daily. If you don't have his records yet - get them.
There's a line in one of his songs that says, "I could
just lay down and freeze to death." Somehow, this brought
back a very dark memory from the band days when we played
in South Korea. It seems a young soldier, 19, had been out
partying and on his way back to barracks, fell into what
we called a "turtle ditch". These were concrete
structures all around the camp that were about 3 and 1/2
feet wide and not very deep... but they caught all the water
run-off when there was rain. When he fell in, drunk, it
appears he just never woke up. A 19 year old kid froze to
death there in the Korean winter of 1993 - 1994. We had
to play a show the next day and I couldn't get it off my
mind. Apparently, song lyrics bring it forth still, MANY
years later.
So my point is....this life is short and oftentimes... TRAGIC.
We must all find humor wherever we can.
In therapy, we laugh
so much, I've often wondered what the receptionist there
must be thinking. This past week was no exception. I was
actually being particularly non-communicative and a bit
jittery. I finally confessed it's because I'm getting so
used to being alone that I fear I'll never be comfortable
connecting with anyone again.
When angry, I've also been known to make psychotic statements
that most jilted lovers feel but will not
express. Things like:
"Fuck her.
I hope her mother dies on top of her."
or....
"Maybe their
relationship will end in murder / suicide. We can HOPE,
can't we?"
I had earlier emailed these to my Therapist. She assured
me that these angry feelings are normal and I'm just more
verbal in my expression of anger than most. So, in the session,
I said, "It disturbs me greatly that EVERYTHING ends.
Why does it always have to end? Even good relationships
seem to end with one partner dying on the other or something."
Her response, "You cannot have a truly intimate relationship
with anyone unless you accept the fact that one of you may
leave the other through death."
So I said, "I guess the really lucky ones are those
who die together."
To which she responded,
"Like a car wreck, bus wreck, boating accident....or
a Murder /Suicide." I just happened to say "Murder
/ Suicide" at EXACTLY the same time it was coming out
of HER mouth. We laughed so hard, I thought we were both
going to pee and really mess up her office.
I'm sure the receptionist was out there scratching her head
and thinking 'What the fuck???!!'
Signing Off,
The Very Verbal But Not Meaning It
Angry Lesbian
06/02/2006
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