Colposcopy
Just Try It Sometime

Last Wednesday, I had the lovely experience of the Colposcopy for the first time at my Doctor's office. You see, my Doc's trying to rule out Cervical cancer on my part so this procedure was undertaken.

She announced that her PA in training would attend "the talk" portion of our visit. The girl was really cute and seemed kind of eager to learn so I told the Doc to let her stay for the whole thing. I then said to the girl, "Just boot her out of the way when you're ready and have a look through that microscope." It seems that when magnified, my Cervix was going to be the size of about THREE Frisbees if you can imagine that. The young one seemed grateful for the opportunity to stay.

So when the Doc had me CRANKED open large enough to fit a small Dwarf I stated, "I lost someone in there back in 1976. Have you found him yet?"

I then whipped out my razor and said, "If I missed anything, Doc, would you mind getting it while you're down there?" I could see the PA giggling behind her at this point.

Well, the 30 minutes of scraping and poking and sampling my Cervix was none too pleasant, I gotta tell you, but it wasn't as BAD as I though it would be. (The next day, I felt like I had taken on the LA Lakers.)

As the visit wrapped up, I told the Doc, "I was going to ask you to stay down there LONGER since there's been no action since mid-October."

She quipped back, "This was NOT a casual Social visit!!!"

So, my own Doctor puts up with my shit very well. I am a BIT disturbed that she didn't find my castaway from 1976, however.

As she was leaving the room and turning to shut the door, the PA mouthed to me, "Thank you!" I guess my cervix must have been a thing of beauty after all...at least in her world.

I am praying for myself these days. I really don't want to face the Cancer thing. That would totally suck. I just figure the best I can do is laugh about it for now and hope.

Signing Off,

The Skeert Angry Lesbian
01/23/06