Ahhhh
Now I Did It

Oh I did it now. I sent a text page last night telling her she still belongs with me - no matter what. I couldn't help it, I was totally inebriated. I woke up this morning and realized what I had done and was horrified.

I text, "Forget what I said, I was emotional and stupid last night."

She: "We'll talk when my mother leaves town."

What could there possibly be to talk about now? She's impaled on a Schlong and NOT one of MINE. Yes, he has only one, I have many. Mine don't make a mess and they surely won't get you pregnant but they can be driven for hours at a time without failing, bending, breaking or expoding (I'm here to tell ya.) But, I digress again.

So, I'm thinking about the night I did a REALLY bad thing. Once again, alcohol was driving the bus. I found myself in my closet getting out the little charcoal thingie that burns herbs. I have no idea which herbs I cooked that night but I was determined to cast a naughty spell. I remember chanting, "I hope he has a really small weenie, he's a premature ejaculator and when he does manage to keep it up, it lasts one minute and forty six seconds."

I have truly lost it.
I'm convinced now.

The seriously sick,

Angry Lesbian
11/11/05